Tax Cuts: Good or Bad?

http://www.npr.org/blogs/itsallpolitics/2010/12/06/131847191/bush-era-tax-cuts-a-bipartisan-compromise-or-an-obama-cave

This got me thinking. I'm not so sure that extending the Bush-era tax cuts on incomes exceeding $250,000 is such a bad thing.

Why?

First off, don't get me wrong - the Bush-era tax cuts were, in my opinion, a part of what helped to drive us into this recession. It seemed that the economy was already over-stimulated, so to speak, by corporate practices and federal de-regulation. How do I connect this? Well, the rich are usually your business owners or corporate decision makers. How much corruption was revealed during the meltdown of 2008? Risky financial instruments (which were little more than fudging numbers over and over again to create pseudo-growth), outsourcing of American jobs to foreign countries at a fraction of the price - the type of things that crushed the lower class, stagnated the middle class, and empowered the upper class to keep growing.

Add in a fantastically over-inflated real estate market, and a mentality that was raping the suburban middle class: "everyone deserves a house, and dammit, we can get more than we responsibly should!"

Giving the rich a break on their taxes makes sense in a white-washed, unrealistic worldview. Sure... cut their taxes and they'll spend more on creating jobs. They'll buy more stuff and it will trickle down to the lower class. Right?

Wrong. They hoarded their tax cuts in FDIC insured CDs, invested it in high value stock (which primarily benefits more upper class - corporate heads, etc), or spent it on things like boats, BMW's or other expensive things, which do not realistically trickle down to the middle/lower class at all.

By the time that money "trickles down", it's been so heavily taxed and re-taxed that it's all but gone. Whether it's sales tax, income tax, real estate tax, or taxing you just because you fucking spit on the sidewalk, $1,000 spent by the upper class means $0.10 in the hand of a lower class family. Big effing deal.

However, we are in an economic recession with a lame duck administration. America voted for political grid-lock when the voters gave more power in congress to the GOP. This means that America voted for more bickering, less action, whether the voters really realized that or not.

(Side note - I'm not really sure that 75% of the voters in this country have a clue what they are voting for. I believe they vote for whatever emotionalism is spat at them by the media. But that's another point for another post.)

I don't think anyone with half an ounce of political knowledge didn't expect the GOP to make every possible effort to extend the Bush-era tax cuts. It's just the right wing mentality... things like "trickle down economy" and "pro-life" are like the Sovereignty of Christ to the Christian faith. It's not something you barter on in that party, period.

The GOP is clever. They struck a crafty deal. "extend tax cuts for everyone, not just the middle class, and we'll let you extend unemployment benefits."

It's a win for the GOP because they get their tax cuts for the rich, but not only that - they also brokered tax cuts for the middle class and the extension of unemployment benefits. Even if the latter two aren't really in the party's best interests, dammit, they made it happen.

What does this do to Obama? Infuriates the left? Probably, but I'm not sure that's very smart on the left's front. I'm not unemployed, but if I was, and if I was one of the millions who try to find work every day and still haven't been able to get a job for well over a year, I'd be happy. I'd also be happy that my taxes weren't going up.

If President Obama had to cave on the Bush-era tax cuts in order to continue helping the middle class and the unemployed, so be it. This country elected a Republican-led congress, so this is what we get, and the President is only doing what he feels is in the best interest of the people. A lesser of two evils. The needs of the many. You get it. I applaud it.

The article quotes some writers who scathe Obama for giving in to these demands. Well, I think the problem isn't ultimately with tax cuts or unemployment benefits. It's about the way this country has been driving itself into the ground for the last ten to twenty years.

We need to stop shipping jobs overseas.
(I pay more for internet service because I deal with a company who's call centers are in America, not Zimbabwe.)

We need to encourage local business.
(I pay more and deal with a bit more hassle to buy from my local grocer and hardware store than going to Wal*Mart.)

We need to get off foreign oil dependance. The best way to do that is not hybrid cars, but the re-vitalization of our urban core.
(I wish I could take the bus, but Cincinnati doesn't have a morning/evening route to/from my place of business. Better than that, I wish there was a 24/hr train service here, so that when I'm drunk at Grammers, I could take a train home at 2:30am.)

Re-focusing on our city schools will help re-vitalize the urban core, stifle the expansion of the suburbs, and ultimately result in stronger job growth and less dependence on foreign oil.

See where I'm going? See how the dots connect? If I don't have to live in Maineville and drive to Newport every day, just because the school district is "better", then I'm also not sinking 60 miles per day into gasoline. If I lived in Deer Park or College Hill and, (gasp) could take the train to Newport every day, then... viola. Problem solved.
Should the President take a stand and call the GOP's bluff?  I dunno.  What would that accomplish except drive millions to the streets when unemployment runs out, encourage even less middle-class spending when our taxes go up, and give the rich more of a reason to hoard their riches.  You want to see this country take a nose dive in depression, there you go.

Kudos, Mr. Obama, and shame on everyone else who keeps fighting good, progressive ideas, like universal health care and urban recentralization.

MPMF.10 Day Two

Boy, this blog post is probably going to suck. The second night of MPMF ended up being kind of shitty, but it was nobody's fault really.

I started out at Grammers. While I swore up and down that I wasn't going to see a bunch of local bands, I really wanted to see Caribou. I also really like Enlou, and there's never a problem with seeing the Seedy Seeds. So, I enjoyed the last couple of songs in Enlou's set first. As always, they sounded smooth and the Grammers tent is a good place for shows.

Enlou performs at the Grammers tent.

Now I will complain a bit about the unnecessarily overpriced drinks. If the bands are getting a chunk of the overhead then that's fine. $4 for a PBR in a small plastic cup (I think it was at least a pint) is a bit offputting, but like I said. If the overhead is going to the bands, fine. I did only pay $30-odd dollars for three days of unlimited venue access and busses to cart me around - though apparently people say that, as usual, the metro doesn't know what its doing. I haven't even tried. I miss the Scions.

At any rate, the Seedy Seeds played next. I'm actually kind of stoked I saw their show. I've seen them so much that I only half paid attention, until they debut a new song that they had been tweeting about all week. I was very excited to hear what they came up with, and I have to say, it was pleasantly different from their usual stuff. Come to think of it now, their "usual stuff", while it does have a signature sound, does not sound all alike. That being said, the new song has a more chilled out, slower, almost intentionally lower key vibe about it and I liked it. Good job!

The Seedy Seeds perform at the Grammers Tent.

There was about an hour's wait to get Caribou on the stage. Everyone was pissed. The tweets were hilarious. People were leaving. Others were trying to convince people that it wasn't the band's fault. I don't really know what was going on. There were sound problems of some time - I'm not sure if it was the booth, the stage, or the instruments. I didn't really let myself get annoyed until the end, but I stuck around. It was an awesome set.

Caribou plays at the Grammers Tent.

Cool lighting effects.

























About halfway through Caribou's set, I decided I was going to head over to Blue Wisp to catch some friends and try to con them into going to Below Zero for "Not Blood, Paint". I did run into one of my friends who helps run a local label and pitched an idea to her... (ooooh, secretive) But shortly after parting ways, my left eye's contact lens got all scewy. So, at 11:15 Friday night at MPMF, this son of a bitch had to drive home with a fucked up contact lens. By the time I got home safely, I was so pissed that I said "fuck it" and stayed home. Didn't want to drive back downtown in my glasses only to find that by the time I parked, I'd see the last five minutes of NBP's set. So needless to say, it was a shitty end to a potentially great night, which was nobody's fault.

Let's hope that Saturday can redeem the ballsuck that was Friday.

MPMF.10 Day One

My God, I forgot about this blog. I blame Animus. Anyway, I thought I would write about MPMF 2010 in Cincinnati.

I don't like to write about music festivals. I'm not one of those hip kids who know all 200 local bands and all 20,000 midwest regional indie bands. So I'm also not going to tear into each band's act comparing them to whoever or whoever. Whatever. I like music, I get stuck on a band forever and miss out on other new and hip acts because of it. It's what I do.

Pre-MPMF grillout was nice. It was a small crowd. Funniest thing was that I had mistakenly bought the non-self-light charcoal. Listen, folks, I'm not a man's man. I can hang PBR signs in my kitchen, I can cook a mean omelet, and I can change out a light fixture, but I can't change my own oil, and I'm barely competent enough to change a tire. Apparently, I also cannot light a grill, unless it's that 'self light' stuff. Suffice it to say that after three attempts, I basically DOUSED the charcoal in lighter fluid, let it soak, and then tried to light it.

Which is apparently what you're supposed to do. Who knew?

The burgers were damned good though. I'm not spilling my secrets. I may not be able to light a grill, but what I put on that grill is going to sear your tastebuds with awesome. Was stoked that my friend Bree came over too, because she's confined to a wheelchair and my back yard is wheelchair accessible.

So, on to Midpoint. Started the night off with Slothpop at Below Zero. Had never heard of them, liked the write up on mpmf.com, and got good referral from the peeps I was with. They were actually on my "I want to check them out" list, and I'm glad I went. I have to make a comment about the drumkit's tone. I've played drums/percussion for twenty years. The tone of his snare, his kick, and his floor tom were absolutely PERFECT. Thick, heavy, cutting, with just enough punch to keep it from being muddy. Damn, son. Nicely done. Impressive use of the violin, and I have to say that the two female singers were making me feel all warm and fuzzy. Especially the black girl who would occasionally play keys. Daaaaaaaamn!

Slothpop. Below Zero Lounge, MPMF.10

Next stop of the night was Blue Wisp to see Clare and the Reasons. This is one of those groups I DO know about and have been dying to see. I also love Brooklyn, and they are from Brooklyn. Started off the show with a filthy vodka martini that we affectionately named "The Oscar". Not as sassy as the Vesper, but it was so filthy that I'm pretty sure it put scabs on my lips.

Clare and the Reasons. Blue Wisp Jazz Club, MPMF.10

What can I say about Clare and the Reasons? Clare's voice makes my heart melt, and they cover one of my favorite Genesis songs of all time - "That's All". I also have a ridiculous amount of respect for any band that can play quietly. Anyone with half an ounce of talent can play loud. Silent, moving, poignant melodies only come from an instrument that you have taken the time and energy to know intimately. That's what I can say about Clare and the Reasons. Hey guys, are you playing in Brooklyn when I'm visiting NYC in November? Hope so.

Here's a link to a vid of Clare and the Reasons covering "That's All", linked from http://www.eachnotesecure.com.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujD3jCcYeF8&feature=player_embedded

Side note - little shout out to Van Dyke Parks. I'm pretty sure he was on before Clare and the Reasons, and was my backdrop for the first "Oscar". Good stuff.

Next it was off to MOTR to see the Super Desserts. I discovered the Super Desserts a few months ago at CS13 and fell in love. I typically do not enjoy that type of indie fluff pop. There was just too much of it out there in the last year or so, you know? Thing is, the Super Desserts have a fantastic live presentation and vibe. It doesn't come across as contrived. These people are genuinely having fun and its infectious. Every time I see them, it's like I'm watching a group of old college music major buddies who are using their music degrees as drink coasters, and decided, 'Hey, fuck this economy, let's go make beautiful music for a sad world'. Good choice. Plus, they are from Columbus, my home town.

Super Desserts. MOTR, MPMF.10

Side note - MOTR rules. New favorite hang out spot? Perhaps. Been seeing it all over foursquare this week. Def going there some time after MPMF.

I was enjoying the patio at MOTR when I realized, "HOLY FUCK! I'M LATE FOR HOLY FUCK!" Ran to my car and headed to the Cincinnati Club venue. Walking into the place was... odd. I kind of felt like a party crasher. Don't get me wrong, the actual venue was awesome, but the whole getting into it thing kind of felt out of place. You know what it was? It was the fact that the bar was only serving mixed drinks and Corona. I wanted a beer, and I got a Corona... and of course, there was some drunk bloke who had to do the whole put-your-thumb-on-the-bottle-and-spray-everyone-with-nasty-lime-corona-juice. Thanks dude, but I did not need your douche-bunk all over my face.

It's okay though, because Holy Fuck was awesome. My one complaint was that everyone in that venue was at least 6'4". That's nobody's fault, really, but it definitely was a bit of a spoiler. I think I saw one of Holy Fuck's band member's heads, that's it. I suppose I could have been an asshole and elbowed my way to the front, but I hate doing that.  At least the music was fucktacular. To make up for the fact that I basically got to stand and LISTEN to an awesome band rather than really see an awesome band, I bought the vinyl record. I am listening to it right now, in fact, and it's niiiice.

So, all in all, MPMF was exactly what I expected it to be. A lot of running around, drinking stuff I normally don't drink, watching AMAZING musical groups, and having a good time with great friends. Just gotta lose the Corona and I'm good.

Here's a little video I shot from the Holy Fuck concert.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qz0gFqCf34k

Tea Party?

I don't like writing about politics. However, there was a very thought provoking interview on NPR today, and I must digress. This issue is almost too important to ignore.

Here's a link... you can listen to the program, and, of course, if you can stomach it, read the internet responses.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128624203

The discussion primarily addressed racial issues that have cropped up in the tea party movement. It also addressed the fact that there are black, democratic members of the tea party, in spite of what the general population believes.

But it got me thinking.

Let me first address the core fiscal concern of the tea party. From the outside, their message sounds like this:

"We hate Obama, we hate government spending, we hate tax hikes on the wealthy."

They are the few tea party members with loud, vulgar, hate-filled and occasionally racist mouths that give us this impression. But if you throw back to the Boston Tea Party, you see something different. Taxation Without Representation.

If I'm honest, I can actually support the idea of a modern day tea party - that being, that we don't have real representation in congress. It doesn't matter whether it's the right or the left - the lobbyists and big business owners run this country through their lobbying of lawmakers. That's something that any conservative or liberal politician with a shred of honesty will tell you, and in my personal opinion, it is one of the biggest threats to our nation's stability. People like you and I have almost no say over what decisions are made in congress.

Problem is, the tea party's supposed message gets lost in a sea of blatant right-wing lingo, which boils down to "don't raise taxes on the wealthy and stop spending money on government." Let's not even discuss the racism until later.

I don't favor excessive government spending. The national debt is deplorable. Fiscal responsibility is a high-minded and wonderful goal. But where has trickle-down economy gotten our society? I'll tell you. Take a look at GM executives flying private jets to Washington to get bailout money... or Wal*Mart moving into a small town and completely crushing out every ounce of local business... or the entire mortgage meltdown and the resulting Great Recession of 2008. That's where trickle down economy got us. If you honestly want to sit here as a reader and tell me that it's not the case, then you must have shit oozing out of your ears.

Government is spending in an effort to fix the preposterous amounts of damage done to this country by capitalists, who helped drive America into a painful recession. You can call that socialism if you want, and it very well may be, but you can't blame the Democrats or President Obama for that. If the rich fatcats aren't going to do something to fix it, then people like Obama will, because they are tired of watching the middle and lower classes getting trounced on by people who have far more than they ever could need.

What concerns me most is how violent things have gotten in the political realm. When I read about racist remarks from tea party members, or watch Glenn Beck act like a raving lunatic on Fox, I start wondering... how long? How long will it be before the guns come out, the riots flare up? To think that this country could see another civil war within the next five years is staggering, but altogether possible.

I think Americans should have the right to protest government spending. Free speech, the right to vote, the right to have your say are some of our most important core values. But when a group of people come across like child bullies in a school playground... well. First, you lose respect, and second, you plant a seed of division that is bound to turn violent at some point.

Usually, when the kid getting picked on decides to punch the bully back, it's not the fight of a proper boxer or the honor of a well-adjusted fencer. It's the brawl of a terrified, angst ridden wimp who fights ugly to preserve whatever he can, out of desperation.

I hope our society doesn't get to that dark place.

The end of Overdraft Charges... and Free Checking?

When I was sixteen, I opened my first checking account. I didn't have an ATM card, and check/debit cards simply didn't exist. All I had was a good old fashioned transaction register and checks. I discovered very quickly, and much to my dismay, that there was a $15 monthly charge for this checking account. Fortunately, I had some inheritance that was sitting in a custodial account, and all I had to do was keep a balance of $1,000 in the checking account to avoid the $15 charge. No problemo! Sure, once or twice I dipped below the $1,000 mark, but as a bucking high school student with genius level test scores and a good fiscal sense, I kept tabs on it and never had to pay that fee.

Along came this new fangled concept: a "debit card". I have to be honest - these scared the crap out of me. It probably took me two years before I finally agreed to have my very first debit card, and don't you know, it cost me $7 to buy one? It took me another two months to finally use it, and you'd better believe, I was a nutcase at the store.

   "Is there a fee for this?"
   "Well, it depends on what card type you have."
   "It's this one." I handed the card to the daft-faced kid behind the counter, speculatively eyeballing him while he stared dumbfounded at the card.
   Two minutes later.
   "Yeah, definitely, this one doesn't have no fee."
  "Mmm hmm. Okay, are you sure?"
  "Yeah, this one is a VISA debit card. There's only a fee if I run it like an ATM card."

Finally satisfied with what sounded like an intelligent answer, I proceeded with my transaction, and was not charged a fee.

Fast forward a few years. Here comes Fifth Third Bank, with the "Totally Free Checking Account". My ex-wife had suggested I try 5/3, because her parents swore by them. I'm like, "No way. There's no such thing as a checking account with no minimum balance and no fees. What's the catch?"

The catch, as many of you probably know, is overdraft charges.

You've got a guy like me, who keeps every receipt, records every one in the book, and balances to online banking about every week. Then you've got a huge chunk of people who, understandably so, assume that when they swipe that check card, it's immediately coming out of the account.

Not the case.

Depending on the merchant, it can take anywhere from five minutes to five business days for that transaction to even appear in your checking account. This is because various merchants will pay different fees for their credit/debit card transaction machines, and based on how much they want to pay, the transactions are either zapped to the bank immediately... on a daily basis... or on a weekly basis.

Therefore, any of you who are not as anal retentive as me with your check card reciepts and checkbook... have probably gotten hammered with cascading overdraft charges before. It sucks... but it's also why banks have Free Checking accounts. Simple math here, friends... $15 bucks a month for the account, or $0 bucks a month... with the possibility of racking up anywhere between $30 and $3,000 bucks a year in fees.

It's very similar to a concept I learned in college my professor called "The Delta Principle". Delta Airlines lowers their ticket fare... Continental has to do the same to be competitive and not lose business. So does Southwestern. The same principle applies in banking. It's why so many people have problems with overdraft charges, and it's the very same principle that got our country in trouble with subprime lending.

Now that you understand a bit more about overdrafts and the principle behind Free Checking accounts, let me tell you about Federal Regulation E.

Reg E mandates how Electronic Funds Transfers take place. This includes Check Card point of sale transactions. The changes mandate that a bank/credit union can no longer authorize a point of sale purchase into overdraft status without a customer's written permission. This change takes place August 15th, at which point all banks have to adhere to the rule.

Banks are generally calling this "Opt-In" and "Opt-Out". You are either "Opting In" to having transactions approved into overdraft status (and thus paying fees), or you are "Opting Out" - to which effect your transaction would simply be declined, causing potential embarassment or hassle, but avoiding overdraft charges.

PNC Bank, for example, is offering clients the opportunity to Opt-In or Opt-Out now. However, come August 15th, every customer who has not made a decision will be Opted Out (because they don't have their written permission yet). Consult your institution to see how they are handling it.

Side note - if you Opt In, I can almost guarantee you will never, ever, ever again get an overdraft fee refunded. You signed on the dotted line, you're paying the fee.

How does this affect Free Checking accounts? Here's how. In general, it costs a bank about $300 a year to handle a basic checking account. This takes into account things such as teller transactions, online services, service/maintenance needs, and check processing (which, by the way, is the most expensive service to run). In general, the exhuberant amount of money banks have made off chronic overspenders has more than buffered the cost of running a basic checking account. However, as you can well imagine, the people who have been hit the hardest with fees will be the ones who choose to opt-out, so banks are going to need to find another way to meet the bottom line. And no... CEO's won't be taking salary cuts.

Fifth Third Bank has already announced that they are going to cease offering the Totally Free Checking account. Who knows if and when they will stop offering it to their existing customers. Other banks are sure to follow suit (For the record, PNC and US Bank have announced that they will continue offering Free Checking accounts). What you may see are banks charging a basic monthly fee for accounts... unless you meet some other qualification that reduces cost. Such as:

•  Paperless statements
•  Accounts that limit checkwriting and/or branch visits
•  Accounts with a minimum balance requirement (banks re-invest these funds to gain revenue)
•  Accounts that focus on online/electronic activity, such as direct deposit

That's certainly a lot of information to digest, but it's wise to start thinking about it now. What can you do to avoid monthly service charges? What can you do to avoid getting stuck in BFE without gas and your card keeps getting declined? What can you do to avoid getting excessive overdraft charges since you chose to opt-in?

Consult your bank. And if you end up with some idiot for a teller or banker, come talk to me at PNC. My number is 513-272-4200 ext. 23827, and I'm paid to answer questions like these.

PS: Here's the link to the Government Website on Reg E:
http://www.fdic.gov/regulations/laws/rules/6500-3100.html

When Mistakes Haunt

Haunting memories are hard to overcome. It seems as if I'm reminded of mistakes on an almost daily basis. It's not that I go looking for these reminders. They're just there. They pop up at the most inopportune times and stick around in my mind like old chewing gum stuck on the sole of your shoe.

The biggest challenge with old mistakes is that you can't really go back and fix them. I mean, you're limited insomuch as the level of contact you have with the people or circumstances within which these mistakes were made. You might have the opportunity to go and right a wrong between you and someone else... but even if you do, that opportunity may not be here at the right time. The timing might be wrong, or you might just simply be too afraid of addressing that person... wondering what it might do to your friendship.

On the flip, and this is where it gets very difficult... sometimes, you don't have that opportunity at all. Sometimes you have to live with the guilt, or the pain, or whatever it is, simply because you can't go back and fix it. The mistake is done, permanent, etched into the tablet of your history without any chance of reversal.

Some might recommend that you simply put these things behind you. That's all well and good. I've done it time and time again. All it takes, of course, is some new circumstance that reminds you of past mistakes. We're not robots with a magic delete button. We're living breathing souls, and when we're reminded of some distant pain or mistake or memory, it comes back to haunt us. Terribly so.

Finished Fortieth Floor

Alright, so I finished "The View From the Fortieth Floor" about half an hour ago. I've been reading it furiously, because it was stressing me out.

By the way... SPOILER ALERT for those who are THINKING ABOUT READING IT!

When you think of the phrase "the shit hit the fan", this novel captures it. White kept me wringing my hands, loosing sleep, and stressing out over this story until the last ten pages. When you've been blackmailed twice, treated like scum by a company you gave seven years of your heart to, and abused in a long term relationship, a part of you resonates when a fictional character goes through similar things. As Ridge, the main character, was blackmailed, threatened, and staring the possibility of losing the love of his life, it struck more than a nerve in my heart. What stressed me out was the unknown. Was there going to be a happy ending here? Or was Ridge going to get completely, utterly screwed over in every way possible?

Quite the opposite. I won't spoil the ending for anyone, but I'll say that the book left me heavily satisfied. Beyond so. Smiling, cheering as I read the final line, and feeling a weight lifted. Only great novels can put you through a wringer of emotions, which is why we readers dare to read them; why we budding writers are frightened to put ourselves out there to try and tell such a captivating story.

Recommended. Heavily, heavily recommended, especially for anyone who works in the marketing, creative fields, or has to deal with management responsibilities. Or, really, anyone who has ever been screwed over by The Man or has been in a position to Screw Others with The Man Cap on.

So, really, most people. Go read it!

View

Just felt like dropping a quick blog off. I've been reading this book. It's by Theodore H. White, and it's called "The View From the Fortieth Floor." In short, it's about a guy named John "Ridge" Warren who inherits Presidency over a media organization centered around two magazines named "Trumpet" and "Gentlewoman", who are being run down the drain by a board of directors and the daughters of its creator who don't really know how to properly run the business. Takes place in the late 1950s.

I'm a little over halfway through, and I've been pleasantly surprised by how it has developed. Part One is all set in one day - the day everything starts to fall apart for Warren fiscally. The day he realizes that he may be facing bankruptcy, or worse - fraud charges brought against himself - if he doesn't either fold the magazines or somehow raise enough money to get them going again. Big gamble.

But that's not all. Where it was at first all about the numbers, which marginally interest me as I work for a bank - now it's starting to inject the personal drama. And it's good personal drama too... it has to deal with his own choices in life, the hard things he's had to do that he's starting to see revisited in this situation, and he doesn't want to screw up again, especially with the lives of hundreds of employees at his hands.

I'll let you know how I feel about it when it ends, but right now, it has me feeling very introspective, as I can see a lot of my own history in this guy's life. Whether it be that he's divorced, or that he once and now again holds power in an organization that he feels very deeply charmed with. Or, perhaps, that feeling that if you don't make things work right now, you may end up on the streets. That one isn't exactly something I register with directly, but I know that feeling - that feeling of hoping you can make something work, whether it be a job, a hobby, a marriage, whatever - yet knowing that you are staring into the barrel of a loaded six-shooter without any way of knowing if the next chamber is loaded.

Good stuff, good capture of emotion. I can't wait to finish it!

Penalty!

You probably know what's coming.

I mean, ouch.

Those of you who follow me on twitter and facebook have probably already gotten a textfull of my opinions on this.

Psalm 78:58
For they provoked Him with their high places
And aroused His jealousy with their graven images.

So yeah, the bible talks a lot about graven images, things of great wealth made of gold and silver and whatnot. While Touchdown Jesus may not have been made of gold but rather highly flammable material such as styrofoam, it was a 'goldly' venture reportedly costing a whopping $250,000.

Jokes aside, Touchdown Jesus always bothered me. Just like that "HELL IS REAL" sign on I-71, or Fred Phelps (the godhatesfags.com guy), or the whole name-it-claim-it health and wealth movement. I've dissected these kinds of issues time and time again in my journey as a post-Christianity believer in Jesus, and always come to the same conclusion...

Missing the mark people.

So, while I'm tempted to make a bunch of jokes about Touchdown Jesus, I'm actually kind of smirking inside. Why? Because it seems appropriate that God might use lightning to destroy something that puts a foul odor in the noses of many people, atheists and Christians alike.

The really sad part, folks, is that Solid Rock Church will probably take an insurance claim and rebuild it. (You know, rather than injecting that money into community education programs, helping the homeless to find jobs, or cleaning up the gulf coast.) Only this time it will probably cost even more money, because well, we wouldn't want to make it out of the same, cheap, flammable material. No, we're going to want to make it out of a stronger, sturdier material, so that God can't smite it a second time.

Oh wait, we still have tornados and stuff. Cool. (Bruce Willis just mentioned meteors over my shoulder, how could I forget??)

Anyway, that's my bitter post-Christianity viewpoint of Touchdown Jesus' demise. Can anyone say "INTERCEPTION!"?

Wahh waaahhhhh.

Turntables

I'm sitting here listening to "Trespass", Genesis' second album, on vinyl. 1970, before Phil Collins and Steve Hackett. This is truly magical. I could fall in love listening to this music.

The story goes like this. I found a piece of furniture at Red Polly, during the Fabricate gallery opening on Saturday. It's just a white piece of furniture, a cross between a little entertainment center and cabinetry. It's perfect for my turntables, especially with the slots for vinyl records in the middle. Here, check it out.

I'm in a fantastically whimsical mood at the moment, listening to this album. I could easily call this the soundtrack of my soul. I've also enjoyed the Super Desserts' album, Banjo Forever, which I have been dying to listen to ever since I picked it up at their Cincinnati show. The CD I had already listened to, but listening to it on vinyl was just as magical as I thought it might be.

I have entire collection of records to enjoy now again, along with a stack of rarities my dad found at a garage sale and gave me. I don't even know what's in there... but I can't wait to find out.

So, that was definitely a drunk post.

Not exactly drunk. More sweet spot. But, you get the idea.

Wine+Beer+WeirdEmotionalShit=PublishPost

NextDay+Sober+OhIFeelLikeADishbag=ConsideringDeletingPost

But, I won't. It's out there, and it's real. Now it's time to fend off recurring stagnation without throwing caution to the wind. Yay, life.

Circumlocution

Have you ever had something happen to you that challenges parts of you in a way you weren't expecting?

Yeah, that's happening right now.

I moved down to Cincinnati for two reasons. One, because my career was being sabotaged by fanatic psychopaths who had created a work environment that was honestly abusive, and I needed to get out for my own mental health. Two, because I was in a failing marriage and I was making desperate attempts to make it work.

After four years of being in Cincinnati, I have had the brunt of my creative power drained by jaded HR reps and people who show no interest in taking a risk with raw talent, simply because I didn't go to fucking Moeller High School and don't have a relatively worthless degree in broadcasting.

Let's ignore the fact that EVERY radio station in Columbus was COPYING my work because they couldn't come up with anything original, with the exception of WNCI, who probably paid some big firm to write their modernized jingles.

I've spent the last four years working at a fucking bank. I spent SEVEN years breaking new ground in audio at a tv/radio network that was so entrenched in it's bullshit that it overlooked my talent over pure nepotism.

I love Cincinnati in many ways, but those ways can be fickle. For one, I like that it has hills, where Columbus was flat. Big fucking deal? For another, I have made GREAT friends after my divorce, and while I love my friends dearly, they aren't paving the way for me to pursue my creative passions in the most part, with the exception of Starmaker Machinery.

End rant, I am going to bed now so that I can be up in time for my training session at PNC, which does not involve cutting clips, scoring music and mastering in 7.1.

So what, I am bored at work.

One of the few sites they don't block is blogger. This is nice, because it would be a real pain to write anything of substance on my suckberry's delinquent touchscreen keypad. On that note, I have given serious consideration to breaking my contract and going with the iPhone. My blackberry storm is such an overpriced piece of dung. They shouldn't even be allowed to sell them anymore. We'll see. Maybe the 4G will come out for verizon and I won't have to break my contract? I'm not exactly against the droid, but (A) don't want to spend $500-some bucks for a new phone, and (B) I'm a mac-whore. The iPhone would most likely plug into my macbook and make life easy. I'm terrified to plug my blackberry into my macbook, because I have had three friends tell me that after doing so, their blackberry contact list went kaboom.

The Admazing Race is later today. So far, I know that I have Shanna Savage, former Starmaker Machinery founding member, and Julie Hill, illustrator extraordinaire, on my team. Team COOL, by the way. We may be joined by Ben Davis of Bad Veins. Could you think of a better team? Didn't think so. We will be armed with smartphones, smart people, bicycles, and a lackadaisacal attitude about the whole affair, which may end up paying off in the long run.

By the way, what do we win if we win? Bragging rights? A free membership for next year? A one year subscription to the jelly of the month club? A h0t date with Kevin's mom? On that note, a lifetime's prescription for chlamydia treatment?

Okay, that was harsh.

Man, I really am bored, aren't I? I may have helped like three people today, and have spent the rest of the time texting, tweeting, checking facebook, and reading about the gulf oil spill.

I really don't know why I am reading this much about it. It's like, all of this information is just making me angry at big oil. I'm doing nothing to help the problem. I really ought to like shut up and go down there to help with the clean-up effort. Maybe BP should pay companies like PNC to give their employees an extra paid week off if that week is used to join a gulf clean-up team. I would do that in a heartbeat. I think a part of why I am so obsessed with reading about gulf oil stuff is because of that whole sense of being unable to help. I mean, realistically, I can't just pack my bags, hop in my car, go down to Louisiana and help. I'm sure people would take me, but I'm not sure my car can handle that kind of a trip, and I can't afford the plane ticket right now. Now, if BP were to provide the plane ticket and housing? I'm in. Hell, I'd live in the back of a car or a trailer or share bunks in a gymnasium. It's not like I didn't sleep on the floor during Drum Corps Tour. My back might be a bit more protesting than it was when I was 19 years old, but whatev.

Well, I am going to sign off from this ramble session now. Only one more hour until I'm out of this graveyard! Watch it get ridiculously busy RIGHT AT 12:45...

The Duality of Tears

May 22nd, 2009.  I sat at a bar with two good friends, drank a mixed drink, and watched the Kings Island fireworks.  They were the only people I saw for my birthday.  Inside of my soul was a terrible fear, a terrible sense of loss, for the person I had loved had gone away.  There was rot, there were lies, there was pain.  I ventured into the unknown leaning upon a shaken faith and wondering if my life would ever be put back together.  If I could ever smile ear to ear without simply putting it on, faking, worn like a mask to conceal the threshing pain inside.

May 22nd, 2010.  I sit in my room at 2:21 am with tears streaming down my face.  But they are not the tears I shed the year before.  I may sit on the same bed, in the same room by myself, but here my heart is not alone.  I am surrounded in a sea of friends, big and small, far and close, young and old; friends who have captured me in their web of undying support and trust.  Many have seen me through stages of self-destruction and borderline insanity.  And yet I am inundated with those who have stuck by my side through thick and thin.  They have listened to me lament, listened to me complain... and they have also sang with me, danced with me, drank with me, celebrated long into the night with me in the joys of life.

I simply cannot put into words the life that you have collectively breathed into me this past year.  I would spin endlessly upon the mill of notes trying to find words that might express what your presence alone has breathed into me.

Here, I am safe.  Here, I am home.  Here, I am no longer alone.

I wish nothing but clear skies and smiles for all of you.  Thank you for blessing me.

The Quandary of The Game

It's the game we all play. Ebb and flow, life and death, love and hate, gain and loss. The quandary is that we both love and hate the game. Duality at its finest, there. We hate the game; what it turns us into, what it makes us do to those we care about, how it eats us alive. And yet we love the game, for it brings us happiness and joy, peace and security, if only fleeting. We try to quit playing the game, but it sucks us back in. We try to hate on the game, but the game hates on us. We swear it off, but we come back to it like addicts. We cry for it, but we refuse to swear off the tears.

Do and don't, stop and go, start and stop. It's an endless cycle. We look with burning jealousy upon those who seem to be free of it, until we realize at long last that they are liars and false - that they, too, are as entrenched in the game as we. We swear by the hope that sanity finds us as it found them, until we realize that there's a touch of insanity in them as well, lurking under the skin like a virus.

I can't get out. Neither can you.

I've tried for the entirety of this short existence, swimming against the currents. I turn about and let them carry me into a maelstrom of destruction. Then about I go, against the rapids once again with maddened, futile strokes.

And so do you.

My first divorced blog

This is my first blog since getting officially divorced, which happened this past Wednesday the 26th at 9am.

So, let's see. Married Saturday, July 23rd, 2006 at 5:30pm. Divorced Wednesday April 26th, 2010 at 10:00am. I'm too lazy to do the math. Seven years total in the relationship. It's a lot to throw away.

Have I questioned myself? Sure. In fact, I've second guessed myself for the past year, which is about the timeline from when things began. They'd gone south plenty for that, but things really blew open in late February. I can remember, because March and April of 2009 is when I believe we were seeing a marriage counselor. The flying pig marathon, which was this weekend, sticks out to me as a milestone in the breakdown of the marriage, because my ex-wife was planning on running her first half-marathon, but was so distraught over things that she couldn't do it. She didn't even go.

Of course, there were good times. I was with her for seven years, so there were obviously good things. I was in love, perhaps for the first time that I could really remember. (By the way, that will fuck with you... marrying and divorcing the only person you've been in love with) But obviously things broke down. We tried, both of us, in our own ways to make things work. They didn't. When I dug deep enough, with the help of a therapist, I realized that I was looking for something she was unwilling to give... and the same was true for her.

That is, ultimately, the tragedy. Two people who shared so much together, who had such fun, such a connection, made some amazing memories... ultimately growing to a point where they have no faith in each other, no trust, no hope.

My greatest concern is that the wound of this divorce may run so deep that I'll never be able to trust someone again. I want to trust people. I have an easier time when there's no sexual tension, or no bullshit going on. I want to be able to find a woman who I can trust and also shares with me what we are both looking for, but I suppose that's like trying to find one grain of sand on the shoreline in the dark.

I won't lie... I have had one almost-serious relationship while still married. I mean, we had been separated for well over half a year, and I had already personally 'moved on' from being married. Regardless, I'm ashamed of myself for letting myself date someone while still being married, even if separated. It violates my morals in some sick, twisted way... probably from my Christian upbringing I suppose, and all of the ways various people have twisted and abused the bible against me in the past. When it came down to it, when things started getting personal, I shut down.

You know that shutting down will never make a relationship work. But I was so deeply wounded by my ex-wife, that I'm pretty sure I'm deathly afraid of being completely open and honest about my desires, hopes, and needs. I suppose this equates to a big "FML", because really, I'm the only one who has the power to break through that, and until I believe I can, I won't.

So, anyway. Now that I have let you lovely readers in on my melodramatic blah-blah-blah, let's get to the point of why I wrote this.

Do I have regrets? Yes.  But... surprisingly... I have felt a bit lighter ever since the court session that made it final. I haven't cried yet. I don't know whether that should concern me, or whether I should be happy about that. Overall, I feel relieved, and hopeful that the friendship I made with her can survive this storm that tore us apart.

Another thing... it's funny, the reactions people have had when hearing about my divorce being official.  Some people are excited, raise their bottles and give me a good solid "cheers!!" Others have kind of half-smiled and said, "Congratulations, I guess?" Still others have put a hand on my arm and asked if I'm doing okay. It's just... interesting, the different reactions. And, funny enough, there are parts of me that can identify with all three.

So, anyway. Now I have to do the difficult thing of deciding who and what I want to be as a single man. I can already tell, it's gonna be a bitch of a time holding true to my ideals, convictions, and desires, while searching to find if there's another soulmate out there who might trump what I thought I had with Rebecca. We will see.

Fresh Parmesan Cheese

I'm staying in more often. I went to the grocery store for the first time in a month. I cleaned out some nasty shit from the fridge. I'm cooking dinner. Sure, it's just spaghetti. But it has my own recipe sauce and fresh parmesan cheese. I'm also saying no, as much as I don't want to, to going out tonight. Instead I'll stay in, watch hulu, and get a full night's sleep. I've already paid bills and organized some paperwork.

Depression sucks, kids. 2009 was full of it. December was about the epitome of it. If any of you noticed me ever being in a real funk, that's why. I'm climbing out, slowly but surely, and one thing's for damned sure - knowing that I have some good things on the immediate horizon sure as hell helps.

The Wonderful Thing about New Years

There have been many years in my life where I look at the ball dropping on Times Square, shrug, and think to myself, "Heh. Oh well. Whatever."

This time was quite different.

As most of you know, this has been a rather dramatic year for me. It's been filled with extremes on all angles. Nothing has been normal or steady. From heartache to great get-aways, to losing friends and making new ones. Foreclosures and new jobs, rediscovering ones self and trying to recover from hiding for so long.

While 2009 had some great times, it's been plagued by a dark cloud of doom overshadowing it all.

This is the first time in many years where January 1st has brought me an actual sense of renewal. I woke up this morning and, albeit in a haze of sleeplessness and with the foreboding lag of a hangover, I could not go back to sleep. The air was different. There was a spring in my step which, while not something you'd see as I sulked down Ludlow Ave., was definitely felt in my heart.

The real question I'm asking myself is - how long will this last? Yes, here's the pessimist in me showing its nasty face, but I have had experiences like this before, and they tend to dissipate before anything real can happen. Perhaps this time can be different. Maybe I'll figure out just what it is I'm looking for and go after it with all of my heart, not a fickle percentage of it. 2009 is behind me. The dark times can be too, right?

Last note, if you ever have a chance to attend a Festivus party, do it. It's an absolute blast and a great way to kick an old year in its ass as it flies out the door.